Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
