He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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