Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
