I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
