Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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