I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
