Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
