Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
