sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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