I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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