yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
