So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize