boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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