im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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