Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
