Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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