You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
