At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize