i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
