i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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