I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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