I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
