yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
