But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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