true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
