Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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