I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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