Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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