my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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