he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
