i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
