Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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