a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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