her vagine was all disorganized.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
