You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
