if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
