Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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