i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
