well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
