I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
