I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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