I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
