i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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