I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
