Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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