Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this just has baby written all over it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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