So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
