just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize