My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
