Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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