He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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