ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
