you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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