mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
