Where did you get a picture of my penis
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
