I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
