Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
