I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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