another moral hangover. fuck.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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