Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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