ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
