How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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