I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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