My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
