Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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