im drinking this country out of the recession.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
please come you make the beer taste better
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
